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 Nalani the Merc from California

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Whatshouldthisbe?

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PostSubject: Nalani the Merc from California   Sun Dec 03 2017, 21:43

Name: Nalani

Age: 27

Race: Human

Gender: Female

Karma: Neutral

Faction: Mercenaries

Reputation: Yo, mods, help me out here.

SPECIAL:

Strength: 5

Perception: 8

Endurance: 6

Charisma: 5

Intelligence: 5

Agility: 7

Luck: 4


Level: 1

Perks: Redneck, Hard to See

Height: 5'4"

Weight: 118 Ibs

Body type: Thin with some muscle on her.

Hair style: Long and rather messy, usually kept tied up. A very dark brown.

Eyes: Green

Skin color: White, tanned at some exposed areas. Dirty.

Other: A scar can be seen on her left shoulder.

Psychical Description: Usually can keep her cool, but hates it when ignored, and can get pretty violent when in a bad mood. She doesn't like being alone, even though she is most of the time, might talk to herself and think out loud when alone.

Inventory:

  • Main Weapon: .357 Revolver
  • Secondary Weapon: Primitive Knife
  • Helmet:
  • Mask:
  • Goggles:
  • Clothes:
  • Armor: Light Mercenary Armor
  • Backpack:
  • First Accessory: Clock
  • Second Accessory: Compass
  • Other:


Defect of the Character: While she can kill, she isn't a talker. Is always demanding and sometimes unintentionally comes off as rude. Racist to non-humans, but not-so-much to ghouls. She knows they were once human as well, but still prefers to avoid ghouls. If she gets riled up during a fight, she might go so far as to mutilate the enemy, dead or alive.

Aspirations: Nalani just wants someone she can trust. Multiple times she had been stabbed in the back by the people she thought she could. And the people she did trust, she had to for business reasons. She just wants a permanent friend that won't betray her.

Background story: Nalani wasn't born in the isle's of Hawaii, despite her name. She comes from the California wasteland. Nali ran away from her tribe to the more civilized life of the Mojave. Did some work for the Mojave express, ran drugs in Freeside, and did an "escort" job. These professions taught her what she knows about stealth. She took up mercenary work and discovered that she was good at killing only recently.

Her latest target is a member of the Boomers.

He had stolen a plane to run away from his fellow Boomers, flying to Hawaii. He assumed it would be safer and untouched by any radiation. The Boomers offered Nali a flight to Hawaii to return this man alive. She would be offered the very plane he stole as payment.

It didn't go well...

The plane crashed in Nii'ihau, killing the pilot. She spent a few months there, facing heavy discrimination from the islanders before she finally got off of it. She spent a week looking for the Boomer, only to learn that her target had most likely died when he crashed the plane she was promised as payment into the Corrupted Ocean.


Last edited by Whatshouldthisbe? on Fri Dec 08 2017, 13:25; edited 1 time in total
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PostSubject: Re: Nalani the Merc from California   Thu Dec 07 2017, 15:49

Hey there, Nalani. We noticed a couple of issues with your S.P.E.C.I.A.L, it totals to 33. We'd like it if you added seven more points to your stats, in whatever place you desire.
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PostSubject: Re: Nalani the Merc from California   Fri Dec 08 2017, 06:25

Nope, I double checked it.
5+6+5+3+4+7+3=33
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PostSubject: Re: Nalani the Merc from California   Fri Dec 08 2017, 07:53

Every player has to have 40 SPECIAL points in total.
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PostSubject: Re: Nalani the Merc from California   Fri Dec 08 2017, 13:25

Ah, thank you. Fixed
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PostSubject: Re: Nalani the Merc from California   Fri Dec 08 2017, 22:37

Okay, so I would like to point out three main things.

1. The defects of the character are not strong enough. Being racist, rude, and demanding are not defects. Most people in the wasteland are probably some combination of those things. Character defects go beyond negative personality traits. They're something that should cause danger to the existence of your character. Tie them in more to specific things about your past. Maybe she violently lashes out at men who catcall or grope her no matter what. This could be due to her time as an escort. It's specific to your character's past and creates danger for your character. It puts her in combat unnecessarily which could kill her. Everything you wrote for this part should go into the "Psychical Description" instead.

2. Even if I accepted racism as one of your defects, the caveat kind of ruins and muddles the whole thing. She is not as racist to ghouls? The reason you gave applies to all mutants and all people she would be racist to: ghouls, super mutants, psykers, etc. Why does the fact that they used to be human make her more sympathetic to ONLY ghouls? If you want to keep this part, you'll have to elaborate on this or find a different reason entirely.

3. Your Boomer-based background is not logically sound at all. The fact that they even hired a random mercenary at all is honestly out of character for the Boomer's. Remember: They used to shell anyone that approached their area. It's only been 46 years since the events of New Vegas. I can't accept that they would change that much in such a short time.

Also why did they hire you to go after the other Boomer? The Boomers are more than capable of handling such a task themselves and it would fall in line with their faction's behavior. How do they know he went to Hawaii? Why would he tell them? Did they send you after him to get the plane back? If so, why would they give it to you as payment? Planes are rare and precious technology, they wouldn't give it to some random merc. If that's not why they sent you after him, then what was the reason? This plot just doesn't make any sense at all.

I hope I've given you some things to think about that will help you improve your character. Address these three main things and I think your character will be ready. I would recommend not involving the Boomers at all, but if you can make it work, then it will work. Feel free to post any questions you have in this thread.
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PostSubject: Re: Nalani the Merc from California   Mon Dec 11 2017, 06:19

Ah shit, thanks for reminding me about the Boomers. Forgot that bit. I'll give it a look-over and re-write when I get the time.
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